Intro
me
Hi there. I am 44 years old, single, with no kids. I feel life has been squandered, without the women I wanted to marry and have kids with back in my 20s and 30s. Its too late now to start a family, so I have given up. I quit looking, and am done with the struggle to find a beautiful, soft, loving, shapely, woman. I had plenty of chances in my 20s, with the two most notable being Christine L Collins, and Jenny. Now that my life seems over, I only hope that Christine somehow read these posts, so that she may come to know that my love for her never died. I was able to only last 2 years without her, before i decided to no longer be here. Yet, I awoke in 1996, with a question as to why?
Now that 15 years have gone past, and its too late to start a family of my own, i no longer ask why I woke up. At this point, the only thing i have that means anything at all to me is my career. But if she ever reads this posting, then she should know, I would gladly lay down this life, to have had one with her all these years.
In middle school (or was it high school), I saw the movie Romeo and Juliet. I never understood the movie, until the day Christine tossed me out the door, and ended my reason for living (which had been to spend as many moments with her as I could!!!!!!) back in 1994. Now, i truly understand the pain the actors felt, as envisioned by William Shakespeare. For me, my pain continues, and actually grows with each passing week, month, and year. For though I have gone out with many women since that awful day in 1994, none, not one, was a soft, as beautiful, as loving, as playful, as funny, cared about me, loved me, wanted me, or teased me, as was Christine Collins. Though Jenny was as hot, If not hotter than her, Christine was my friend for years, with benefits the whole time I knew her. From the 1st time I held hands in the 1980s, I loved her, though I didn’t know just how much later I would come to need her love. Were I not so high maintenance, and so needy for her love, I would have stayed home the day she cancelled our date, rather than show up anyway. I was so addicted to her love, her play times, her every curve of her soft shapely body, i should have stayed at home, knowing inside her love for me went on.
Since the day she called me on the phone and told me she didn’t care about me at all anymore, I have been dead on the inside. I tried to contact her some years later, through her parents, but she refused to call me, her hubby called instead. And so here it is, now 15 years later, and she cares for me not. As I sink into the abyss of life, I simply want her to know my love goes on, whether she cares or not. She was the best soul I have known, and i got along with her better than every other person in my entire life. God I miss her so. Her loss was tremendous. I wish we had stayed friends, even if she didn’t accept my proposal, for to have held her hands, and make out with her all these years, would have been enough for me.
So, if you read this note, please pass it on to Christine, if you can. I’m sooooooo afraid after all these years that she still doesn’t give one crap about me, that I can’t bear to try to find her, for were she to reject me again, after all these years, would push me over the edge once more, to a final end of my pain, like in ‘96. My hear cries out for her still, more so than ever, since realizing after all these years, how perfect she was, and just what a waste my life has been since she said goodbye….. with no wife and kids now, and it being too late to start a family of my own, this year, more so than since ‘96, has meant that i have lost purpose and meaning in my life.
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